the REAL testament v3

You've heard about the old testament,

you've read the new testament.

It's time for you to get to know

THE REAL TESTAMENT

!?

WHAT WE DO

X COMMANDMENTS

The modern world is ever changing. New technologies disrupt and transform our day to day lives - it is only natural to step forward with this new, innovative and comprehensive vNext testament. Our X Commandments are updated frequently, so make sure you check back soon!

SYMBOLS

Check out our religious symbols and gestures to make sure you live up to the code of the Real Testament.

COMMUNITY

Be a part of our community. Share, exchange and discuss ideas that you would like to be included in vNext!

Have a new commandment? Contact us! (or not)

12

followers follow us on twitter

1

Years without being responsible for a war

0

People killed because of the Real Testament

5

% kick back members need to donate. Or not.

Why choose us?

You've heard about the old testament, you've read the new testament. It's time for you to get to know the real testament.

The modern world is constantly changing. Updated and new technologies disrupt and transform our day to day lives - it is only natural to step forward with this new, innovative and comprehensive vNext testament!

We are sure you are going to love it!

And remember - the Real Testament is always changing, so check back frequently to see what's new.

vNext

Frequent updates - view our changelog

X

Community voted, non-binding commandments

74

Virgins in heaven (best value!)

The X Commandments

  1. Thou shall not make shit up

It is OK to say «I don't know»…

  1. Humor is divine

Humor has a mental and physical healing power - use it wisely. Or foolishly, as long as its funny.

  1. TBD in future date

Reserved for future use, as the need arises

  1. Henceforth, «or not» rule apply

From this point on, anything and everything is non binding, or not!?

  1. Thou shall not pay taxes!?

Taxes are racist. Don't pay them.

  1. «Elsers» are non-believers

Those who say «Do this, or else…» are betraying the 4th commandment.

  1. No questions on Sundays.

This is non negotiable. Or not.

  1. Long weekend Mondays shall be known as «Second Sunday»

Sunday rules apply, even more vigorously.

  1. Thou shall kick back 5%

Thou shall kick back 5% to the person who recruited you. Or not.

  1. It is OK to change your mind

No, really. Definitely. Or not. It is protected under the 4th commandment.

  1. 74 Virgins

Join now and get our best offer yet of 74 virgins in heaven!? Best value, guaranteed!We will beat any other offer by any reputable religion.

  1. Lancelot

(a) noun: A person who likes lanceloting (aka: jousting), like, a lot, or is very good at it.(b) adjective: A very fat person, sometimes named Lance (or not).

  1. Face or head coverings are forbidden

Thou shall not waer a face or head covers nor require others to - unless used for role playing, cosplay or you really like them.It is forbidden to force someone to cover their face or head, or not. It is protected under the 4th commandment.

Religious symbols

Here is a list and description of our holy religious symbols

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The shrug, used to symbolize the 4th commandment «or not».

Very effective in face to face communication, when you ran out of fucks to give.

!?

Also commonly used to reference the 4th commandment «or not».

Gained popularity since it is much easier to type than the shrug.

Please note the ? should be in italic when possible.

nunya

Followers of the real testament are called nunya.

You'd bring it up in a conversation like so:

"I can't do that, its against my religion."

"Really? What religion is that?"

"I'm nunya."

"Oh, never heard of that one, what is it about?"

"nunya business."

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est. 2019 THE REAL TESTAMENT

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